You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
