I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I've blown a few things in my day
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
