you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
