Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We got so high we made milksteak
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
