There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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