Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize