So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
