Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
