You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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