ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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