would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
