Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize