just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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