Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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