So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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