dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
