11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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