i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
