It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
