yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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