so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What drink are we having for lunch?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
40s are totally the cure
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
