I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Farmville is her only friend.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
