She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
