my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
