i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
