So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
