I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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