There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
