Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize