the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
