I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
