After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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