He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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