oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
