New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
