I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
