Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
