One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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