Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
