census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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