My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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