my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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