your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
