i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
