Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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