the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
