I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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