Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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