I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
