and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
