Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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