He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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