Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
