Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
