you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
