hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
