Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
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