I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
