This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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