SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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