Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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