walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
