her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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