Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
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