9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
